Start: 20080512 [20:1|1333] 1616 UTC
End: 20080513 [20:2|134] 0044 UTC
Location: Traversa Giulio Cesare, 80125, Napoli, Campania, Italia
Timezone: UTC+2

I’m writing this about 2.5 weeks after it happened. All I have are a few notes to go by. It’s a shame really, as I guess this was an important period in my life. As a day, not much happened– just class, work, planning. Internally, though, I was going through a lot.

The night before, after writing the journal, I had some carrots julienne, with lemon and a good unfiltered olive oil. Then I wrote and talked to my parents. They were very supportive and I remember feeling a lot better talking to them. I can’t really recall the details of the conversations.

I woke up at 0900 in the morning. Showered, hygiened, dressed and went off to class. I don’t remember what we covered. Afterwards I came back, had a talk with my mother, and worked on a paper for my Europe and the Wars of the XXth Century class.

KJB and I had planned for that coming weekend to go and bungee jump together, then head to my aunt’s place in Orvieto and test out our gear for the TMB-WHR. I now had the option to go along with that plan, alone, or instead to head south to Napoli, and stay with family. I was leaning towards the second, mostly because I knew that it would make me feel better. At the same time, I really wanted to go bungee, and most of all, I wanted to defy the circumstances– and perhaps, also, KJB.

Bungee had been an objective since 20071111. For me, it was initially something that I had much more fear for than skydiving. After skydiving, though, I noticed that I did not really have much fear for it anymore. In fact, even though skydiving was an amazing experience, I started realizing– not without disappointment– that nothing really scared me anymore. I recall sharing with KJB this discovery. I had been scared of going into the Catacombs alone, but now I think of it as an easy, run-of-the-mill kind of thing. Urban exploration– the same. Skydiving had brought some fear but nothing exceptional. When I train-surfed in Stockholm with KJB it was so easy I don’t even know whether I should count it. Recently, then, I had felt not only the fear of old things gone, but also in general I found that it took much more to bring me to the feeling. On the one hand, it was extremely rewarding to have this kind of strength– to find that on top of my already exceptional courage in the face of fear, the fear too had been domesticated– the lions were now house cats, the dragons now lizards. On the other hand, it had meant boredom, a hard time finding life and excitement, a need to look for new challenges. I told KJB that quite honestly I no longer felt any fear from anything save perhaps combat, going to war, or fighting something gigantic, K2 or something of the sort. What was bungee? Where was the risk? A calculated and safe activity. Sure, the jump. But knowing there is the rope?

So the need to bungee was not so great. I was, however, suspicious. I didn’t want any part of myself to make any goddamn excuses. I didn’t want to avoid confronting myself. After all, there was some fear.

There were some other factors. I did not know when again I would have the chance to try it again– especially from the same or greater length of drop. KJB had already wired the place 40Euro. I wanted to stick to the plan. Other reasons.

I decided to work the option out. If I wanted to go to Napoli, all I had to do was pack and go to the train station and take any train I wanted to. I could always go down 20080426– after bungee, if things got bad.

I did not really think that planning would be anything exceptional. I would take the train, then the bus, then jump, take the bus back, take the train back. Then I realized that 0425 was Liberation Day in Italia, and that as a national holiday most likely transportation would not stick to the usual schedule.

I called the Bungee Center. They OK’d me and told me everything was set, and ready. As for transportation, they told me to not count on anything running. The guy I talked to also looked to see if any member of the team would be passing by my station around the time I got there, see if I could catch a ride. No dice. He gave me some numbers, the region’s tourism and transportation centers. Told me that a shuttle would cost me ~90Euro round trip. I called the tourism offices, they either had no clue or told me not to count on anything. I called a taxi company, round trip 100Euro. Money I did not have to spend. The jump alone would cost me 60Euro– not including the deposits.

At this point, things did not look possible anymore. Out of curiosity, I searched on Google Maps the road from Cossato to Veglio. 16km. I was looking at 32km absolute minimum, round trip. I knew it would turn out to probably be longer. I didn’t know the area, and it wasn’t going to be urban. If I was going to walk, it meant I would have to leave earlier– I wouldn’t even be able to sleep. Since the possibility of getting lost or perhaps missing the train back or spraining an ankle was real– I would have to take a sleeping bag with me, and other things.

At around 1245, I wrote in an email to my brother:

Tomorrow Karin and I were supposed to go bungee together. Granted, this time I’ll be going alone. I’ll have to leave here around 0330, train at 0412, arrive at 0840. From there I’ll have to probably walk (tomorrow is liberation day, so no public transport and the place is really far off… www.bungee.it, it’s at Veglio and I arrive at Cossato) about 15km. I’m supposed to be at the place at 1200 or so, so hopefully I’ll make it in time. Then I jump, don’t know how long that will take. Then I walk back, and try to catch the train. There is one at 1714 and one at 1915. I would get back either at 2042 or 2352. In case I miss both, I have my sleeping bag and bivy and I’ll catch the train at 0521, which will get me to Bologna at 0842 tomorrow. It’s one hell of a trip for a 20 second experience or whatever. So I’m still debating as to whether going or not. But 85% I’ll go.

It was the gaining challenge of the task, in large part, that made me go. A character defect of mine. If I feel like the challenge is real, difficult– I get motivated. It is only the small and petty tasks which inspire idleness (academics, this means you). In any case, it wasn’t going to be just a bungee jump anymore. So I made up my mind to go.

I had some salmon and bread for lunch, then I began packing my bag. This was going to be my first time walking a good distance, and with a light load. I had a Paulaner Weissbier. It was good, but I wasn’t and still am not in the mood for beer.

Afterwards I took a quick break. I tested the Civilization IV Warlords save that SNRZ sent me back. We were testing to see if PBEM worked between Mac and PC– it did. I wrote some emails afterwards. Then I got back to my preparations, doing my usual wash of clothes by hand. Earlier than usual, since I needed the stuff dry by 0300.

In my quick notes for the day, I have “thought about Potsdam.” I can’t really remember the details. I know that I was thinking about Potsdam, about walking through Sans Souci, missing KJB. I can recall it now– maybe it was not what I was thinking two weeks ago– but Sans Souci is always a bittersweet and tender memory for me. I think it was then that I finally and completely got over MST, because I had proof that I had fallen for another girl. This was good news. The bad news was that it was for a girl I thought I could not have, and at the very least could not be with. Sans Souci was beautiful– one of those places where the names are truly fitting (another is… or was… Posillipo). I wanted very much to be walking through it with KJB, hand in hand. Silent. Not saying a goddamn word.

Photographs from that day here: http://gallery.dwrz.net/main.php?g2_itemId=8699. Soon almost two years will have passed. I can hardly believe it. It almost feels like yesterday.

Afterwards I wrote another email, then showered. I talked to my father right as I got out. I had dinner, then talked to my mother. Then I finished packing up. Then I got dressed. I don’t remember the details.